Jimmy Kimmel Celebrates Donald Trump Not Destroying Iran

Jimmy Kimmel reflected on what was “another crazy day here in the United States of America,” celebrating the fact that Donald Trump did not destroy an entire civilization as he had promised to do earlier in the day.

“We’re coming to you from Los Angeles for the local time’s just after 5 p.m., which was Trump’s deadline for Iran to ‘Open the f-ing straight or you’ll be living in hell,’” Kimmel said. “He gave a hard cut off time of right now. This morning he wrote, ‘A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again.’ … This is the same man that was just bitching about losing the Nobel Peace Prize. Now he’s threatening a civilization with death. He went from Mahatma Gandhi to General Zod like that.”

He noted that the people of Iran spent all day wondering if they were going to die tonight. “Well, good news, they didn’t,” Kimmel said. “It was the Taco Tuesday of all Taco Tuesdays. Our president decided not to drop the chalupa for at least another two weeks.”

He added, “This is how it goes every single time Trump says something insane. He says, ‘I’m going to kill everybody tomorrow at 5 p.m.’ Then we all freak out and then he backs off. He’s like, ‘You know what? Actually, I’ll kill everyone in two weeks.’ Then we relax, and then he forgets he ever said it in the first place. He has the memory and the skin color of a goldfish.”

Kimmel observed that it’s “always two weeks” with Trump. “He’s like a conscientious employee,” the host quipped. “He always gives two weeks notice.”

Kimmel explained that despite Trump’s ongoing threats, “no one has any idea of what the plan is.”

“This afternoon the White House press secretary said only the president knows where things stand and what he will do,” Kimmel said. “And I don’t even believe he knows that. Trump said he would decimate Iranian power plants in such a way that they will be burning and exploding never to be used again. Just like the toilets at Mar-a-Lago. And attacking civilian power plants is a war crime under the Geneva Accords. I guess he figures he’s done all the other crimes. He might as well do the war ones too.”